The Hammer- Why Prom Sucks and Why the Tradition Should be Aborted

Let’s be real. Prom sucks duck chode. The pictures, the food, the DJ, the after party, and sometimes even your date sucks. Bad. Not good. You even have to drop AT LEAST a two weeks salary on the whole event in total. Now it’s common courtesy to spend at least three months salary on your spouse’s ring when proposing. If my calculations are correct, that means that your wedding should equilibrate to about SIX times the night that Prom is, and if that’s the case I’d rather just save the money, propose with a ring pop and get eloped at 4 AM in Vegas. Not that I’ve planned this out already or anything, but I’m just sayin’.

Alright, I’m a realist, maybe I exaggerated it a little bit. But it is undeniable how much unnecessary stress, drama, tension, fights, and blood arise from Prom conflicts. Just think about how much of that shit could be avoided by just looking at Prom for what it is: a night out with your friends. Sure, all of the dresses and suits and venues are nice, but what would that be without your friends? All of these catfights over buses or tables or wearing the same dress or taking dates, it’s all BS. It really, really is. I mean if a WWE PPV was in town the same night as Prom, I would be so gone, I would be out faster than Lebron left South Beach. I’d be eating popcorn watching Chris Jericho call someone an ass clown while some girl cried over her eyes being closed in her prom pictures.

So let’s just get that straight, guys. It’s just one night out with your friends. So just go out and have fun. Post some chillin chillin dolla billin instagram pics. Dance on the bus’ stripper pole. Even pop some champagne in your dad’s car. Just don’t be that jack-wagon lick ass that adds even more drama to the issues already surrounding the aura of Prom night.


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